Johnny Manziel Recalls Feeling ‘Shame and Regret’ After Failed NFL Career: 'I Didn't Want to Live’

NEED TO KNOW

• Johnny Manziel opened up about the "shame and regret" he feels after getting cut from the NFL, and said he wasn't sure he could live with it
• The 2012 Heisman Trophy winner admitted he "gave up on" himself and said it's "been something that's eating me alive"
• Manziel said he "lost a huge part" of his work ethic after finding success in football

Johnny Manziel opened up about the "shame and regret" he felt after his highly-anticipated football career was cut short.

Manziel, 32, faced his emotions around football head-on as he attempted a "physical" challenge in the Special Forces season four premiere on Thursday, Sept. 25.

The former football star played just two seasons in the NFL before his off-the-field controversies like drug use and domestic violence accusations portrayed him as a liability to teams. And on Special Forces, Manziel struggled in the challenge, with the show's directing staff, a group of ex-Special Forces operatives who lead the cast through intense military training challenges, described him as a "big name" who is "mentally, physically falling apart already."

The 2012 Heisman Trophy winner told the staff he spends "a lot of time on the golf course" ever since "football's been out of my life," adding, "This will be my first real test of putting myself in a situation where you face that kind of physical challenge.”

As Manziel overcame the physical challenge of the course, he opened up to staff about his shame and regret around football. "I think, after I got my most success and won the Heisman Trophy as a freshman, I think I just got treated differently."

Manziel admitted, "I lost a huge part of my work ethic," and "I gave up on a real opportunity, a football career, and walked away from it pretty quick."

Reflecting on the challenge, Manziel described himself as someone who "doesn't realize my mistakes sometimes until it's too late," during a confessional. "Looking back, I felt like I wouldn't be able to live with the shame and the regret," he revealed. "It got to a point where, you know, I didn't want to live and I did want to end my life.”

Manziel said he's "tired of struggling through days" and admitted, "I gave up on myself and lately, it’s been something that’s eating me alive.”

In 2023, Manziel revealed he once attempted to take his own life after a series of public scandals and personal struggles, in an emotional installment of Netflix's Untold documentary series. "When I had gotten everything I’d ever wanted, I think I was the most empty that I ever felt inside. I think I was trying to suppress how I felt and get out of being Johnny Football."

The former Texas A&M quarterback said he "had bought a gun that I knew I was going to use," he explained. “I had planned to do everything that I wanted to do at that point in my life, spend as much money as I possibly could, and then my plan was to take my own life."

Season four of Special Forces premieres Thursday, Sept. 25 at 9 p.m. ET on Fox.

Read the original article on People