I know "scum" is found at the bottom of ponds, where things get muddy and murky. This sordid Michigan football tale seems destined to remain there.
“A fish with its mouth closed never gets caught.” That’s a quote often attributed to gangsters.
“My film is at the bottom of the pond.” That’s a quote attributed to former Michigan staffer Connor Stalions.
Same thing. Stop expecting absolutes. They’re not coming. Not from the Friday, Aug. 15, NCAA investigation report.
If you’re a Michigan football hater, you want to scream U-M is absolutely guilty, top to bottom, that Stalions’ sign-stealing is the reason they won games, that former coach Jim Harbaugh knew everything and that the 2023 Wolverines’ College Football Playoff championship should be stripped and their chance at future ones should be affected.
You can’t.
And if you’re a Michigan diehard, you want to scream Stalions’ actions had absolutely nothing to do with U-M’s title, that everybody does it, that the Wolverines have paid a big enough price already and should be left alone.
You can’t.
The bottom of the pond. That is where Stalions said he threw his phone and his hard drive, according to the 74-page NCAA report, which, while finding “overwhelming evidence” U-M conducted an improper scouting operation, could not conclude how much it ultimately helped.
Meanwhile Harbaugh, off to riches in the NFL, is a fish with its mouth closed, refusing to cooperate, refusing to say anything on the matter other than, according to the report, fostering a view that a rules compliance office from his own school was “the scum of the earth.”
I don’t know about that. I do know scum is what you find at the bottom of ponds, where things get muddy and murky. And this sordid tale seems destined to remain there. No absolutes.
And, as Mick Jagger once hollered, no satisfaction.
Hypocrisy abounds in Michigan report
Yes, it’s true Sherrone Moore, U-M’s current head coach, got suspended by the NCAA for a third game, next year’s opener against Western Michigan in Frankfurt, Germany.
Satisfying? Not to critics. They’ll say the NCAA almost did him a favor. The Wolverines should be favored in that game by about four touchdowns, and Moore can now avoid an eight-hour plane ride.
Yes, it’s true, Michigan has been ordered to pay some crazy fines, which, added up may come to some $30 million. Heck, you could buy three or four SEC quarterbacks with that.
But money at Michigan is fairly easy to dig up. National championships are not. The Wolverines get to keep theirs, and compete for more. Satisfying? Not to those who see Michigan as the Don Corleone of college football. (Or maybe we should say “KGB”, since that’s how Stalions referred to his operation, per the NCAA.)
Yes, it’s true, Stalions has admitted to stealing other teams' signs. Heck, they made a documentary about it. And yes, the NCAA report revealed Stalions said he spent $35,000 on tickets to opponents’ games in 2022, as part of the 52 total games he illicitly scouted.
But the NCAA never discovered where that money came from. (Stalions, when hired as a recruiting analyst in 2022 by Harbaugh, had an annual salary of $55,000.) And, it had to admit, “the true scope and scale of the scheme — including the competitive advantage it conferred — will never be known.”
Michigan fans will declare, “See? It doesn’t say we won anything as a result of the sign-stealing.”
Michigan haters will throw their heads back and yell, “ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?” No absolutes. But plenty of hypocrisy.
Evidence not hard to find
Like this: Harbaugh, who always had much to say about other schools’ behavior, won’t say a word about Michigan’s. His lips are sealed.
That’s beneath him. Beneath U-M’s tradition. It certainly makes him look guilty.
Or this: The NCAA, an increasingly toothless organization, refused to ban the Wolverines from postseason play because it would “unfairly penalize student-athletes for the actions of coaches and staff who are no longer associated with the Michigan football program.”
Well. The folks at USC must be having a good laugh.
The Trojans were banned from bowl games for two years and had to vacate a national championship — long after coach Pete Carroll dashed off to the Seattle Seahawks in the NFL. And Ole Miss football got slapped with a two-year postseason ban well after its former coach Hugh Freeze — accused of recruiting violations and calling for prostitutes on his university cellphone — was gone and working elsewhere.
Michigan pays no such price. Just fines, some recruiting limitations and Moore’s sideline absence. Critics see it as a slap on the wrist. Yet U-M is appealing, saying the report “includes a number of conclusions that are directly contrary to the evidence — or lack of evidence — in the record.”
What Michigan didn’t comment on was Moore’s erasing of text messages from Stalions, which he initially attributed to lack of storage space on his phone. Moore later admitted deleting them in reaction to the news of an investigation in October 2023.
Yet it‘s Michigan complaining about ‘‘lack of evidence?"
It would all be funny if it wasn’t so sad. Would all be clear if it wasn’t so muddy.
This much is true: The kids who gave their all to win those games had nothing to do with the bad behavior of the adults. But the NCAA concluding Michigan did whatever it did “to gain a competitive advantage” is hardly earth-shattering.
Isn’t everything college football programs do — from bad mouthing other schools in recruiting to enticing transfers with NIL money — meant to gain a competitive advantage?
Elvis once sang, “If you’re looking for trouble, you’ve come to the right place.” That is certainly true when you employ a guy whose main purpose in life is stealing signals.
But if you’re looking for clarity, justice or black-and-white guilt and innocence, you’ve come to the wrong place. Your hook will remain empty.
The bottom of the pond is thick and dark. And the fish aren’t biting.
Contact Mitch Albom: [email protected]. Check out the latest updates with his charities, books and events at MitchAlbom.com. Follow him @mitchalbom.
This article originally appeared on Detroit Free Press: truth of Michigan sign stealing lies at bottom of murky pond
Category: General Sports
